


A Brave Front

by Indiana_J



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-01
Updated: 2012-05-03
Packaged: 2017-11-04 16:10:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/395688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indiana_J/pseuds/Indiana_J
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not all requests for help are the same - and some are harder than others.  Joker and Shepard struggle to recover after Thessia and Tiptree.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Call

**Author's Note:**

> Commander Shepard and Garrus will be putting in an appearance in the next chapter. ;)
> 
> Many thanks to my beta, Rossi, for the great job (and quick turnaround!) on this.

For all the good it did him, the Alliance had kept the personal cabin that Cerberus had installed.  After all, the helm had more personal touches than his actual room did.  Bed, a desk that would have collected dust if it hadn't been for EDI's cleaning obsession, a shower and a few pictures of his family but nothing else.  This was a place to recharge between missions, nothing more.

 

Because contrary to all appearances, Jeff 'Joker' Moreau was actually not the only pilot aboard the _SSV Normandy_ , even though he did his best to make it appear that way.  Officially, Katrine McGree served as Junior Helmsman, with two others as their co-pilots but, unofficially, McGree only took the helm when Joker had to rest.

 

She never seemed to mind that she was on rest more than she was in the chair and the co-pilots never seemed to mind, either, that EDI spent more time helping Joker to fly than they did.  Results more than policy drove their acceptance of the situation and they knew without a doubt that Moreau was one of the best in the business and that had been proven even before the Reapers, before Saren.

 

But sometimes, when he remembered or was reminded by Shepard or EDI, he had to sleep.  Or eat.  Or, as Garrus pointed out, _shower_.  So he'd reluctantly call up McGree to man the helm while he returned to his cabin to catch what rest he could.

 

Joker grimaced as he tossed his baseball cap on the bed.  He hated to admit it but it was beyond time to throw it in the wash.  The missions they'd been diving headfirst into had caused more than enough sweat to run down his face than he cared to admit and the hat was growing ranker than a Krogan after a battle.

 

Better voluntarily wash it than have someone make the decision for him.  Or incinerate it.

 

Laundry first, then shower, food and sleep.

 

Maybe, he thought as he splashed some water on his face, he should shower first just in case some kind of emergency came up.  He'd rather die tired, hungry and in rumpled clothes than go out smelling like ass.

 

The speaker units in his room hissed to life as EDI's voice filtered through.  "Jeff, you have an incoming transmission from Admiral Anderson."

 

What the hell?

 

"Uh, EDI, are you receiving correctly?  Anderson probably needs to speak to the _Commander_ , not me.  Last time I checked, I was the hotshot pilot of the _Normandy_ , not the hotshot savior of the entire universe.  Though I've been told the resemblance is uncanny ..."

 

"Jeff."  It was amazing how much emotion (in this case, exasperation) EDI could put into one word.  "There was no trouble with reception, mine or otherwise.  Admiral Anderson asked for you specifically.  I thought it wise to patch it through here rather than the Quantum Entanglement Communications room."

 

The few personal cabins onboard actually had their own private communication channels for getting in touch with family or having a quick call that didn't need to be in a public area.  Joker had never actually used his.  Before the Reaper attack made communication to Tiptree impossible, he had preferred to make calls to his dad and sister while on shore leave.

 

Mainly because most of his time on board ship was spent at the helm but, also, it meant they ragged on him less about the lack of personal items in his cabin.

 

He grabbed the nearest towel and dried his face as he headed towards the little desk - the communicator interface was situated on top of it.

 

"Well, shit, this can't be good," he muttered as he tried to make himself look presentable.  Joker hesitated but snagged his hat to put back on his head - cold with old sweat or not, he'd rather face Anderson with it on than without it.

 

There was no reason for the _Normandy_ 's old captain to get in touch with him privately.  He thought maybe the old man had heard about Tiptree but immediately discarded it.  Anderson cared, deeply, about the men and women who either had served or did serve with him but right now, he was in the middle of a war zone on Earth; taking the time out to call one person to give his regards about a disaster on their home world made no sense.

 

If he was doing that, he'd be on the damned comm for days.  Years.  And he had more pressing matters to attend to.

 

No, it had to be something else but the only way Joker would find out would be to answer the call.

 

"Alright, EDI, patch him through."  Christ, he sounded like a dork.

 

A moment later and the fuzzy image of Admiral David Anderson flickered into view above Joker's desk.  Immediately, Joker was at attention with as rigid a salute as he could manage.  He might have a record a mile long on file but he knew the chain of command and respected it - most of the time.

 

Better still, he respected Anderson.

 

"At ease, Joker."

 

Joke did so gladly.  His disease made a lot of things uncomfortable and standing at attention was certainly one of them.  "You're looking, uh ... good?  Sir."

 

A smile graced Anderson's face.  "That bad, huh?  Thanks for trying, though."

 

"Yeah, well, pretty sure it's in my job description to make my superior officers feel better about themselves."  The joke was a bit flat - in the background, Joker could hear the sounds of a firefight and faint screaming.  Shit.  "I'd ask how it's going but I think I can piece it together myself."

 

"It's pretty rough out here, that's for sure.  We're losing ground but, still, we're here and we're proving a harder fight than the Reapers probably thought."  He cleared his throat.  "Joker, I need you to do something for me."

 

"Well, if it involves heavy lifting then maybe I better get Garrus but, anything else, I'm your man."

 

"We just got the word about Thessia and damned if that wasn't one hell of a blow.  I know Shepard was planet side when it all went down and I know what it does to you, how it messes you up, when you can't prevent something like that.  You and I know she did the best she could but I know she's not going to think that."

 

Joker thought about the look on the Commander's face when she and the rest of the ground party had come back on board.  When she'd removed her helmet, he'd caught sight of her and for just a moment the look on her face had been ... broken.  An unending tide of grief and guilt before she'd smoothed her features down to a blank sheet of granite.  Which had been even harder to see.

 

Anderson continued, "Promise me that you'll look after her, son, because god knows she's not going to do that herself."

 

His brain completely stuttered to a stop at that.  Anderson was asking _him_ , of all people, to look after Shepard?  He barely remembered to look after himself most days.

 

"Sir, with all due respect," Joker replied, throwing his arms wide, "I think there might be better people.  Like, um ..."  He almost said Garrus but figured that might be TMI for Anderson (it sometimes was TMI for _him_ ).  "The doctor?" he finished, weakly, and Anderson gave him a sideways look like that said he thought Joker was a moron.

 

"Can you seriously find me anyone better on board that ship than you?" Anderson asked and held up a hand.  "Don't.  With the exception of Alenko, you've been with Shepard the longest and I _know_ Alenko's not the best choice.  Not yet.  Maybe not ever.  You've been by her side since day one, Joker, and I know for a fact that she cares and trusts you above a number of others."  An amused smile broke out on his tired face.  "And I also know that you won't back down from her, Joker, not for this."

 

There was a lot that Joker could do blindfolded - navigate the _Normandy_ , fly her, lose his money in poker to Vega - but this?  He wasn't good with emotions, his or anyone else’s.

 

It was Joker's turn to clear his throat.  "You do realize I'm going to fuck this up, right?  Say a joke when I shouldn't and end up in a headlock?  Which, by the way, would probably end up breaking my neck."

 

"Her bark's worse than her bite."

 

Joker's eyes widened.  "Sir, with all due respect, it's _not_!  Have you seen that woman shoot?  It's downright terrifying!"

 

"With her crew it's worse than her bite," Anderson corrected.  "There is no pass or fail on this, Joker.  Just, keep an eye on her for me?  Make sure she's okay."

 

It wasn't as simple as that.  Shepard had been carrying the weight of the universe on her shoulders for years now and anyone else would have broken ages ago from the strain and pressure.  Which meant that if Shepard finally did start to buckle, the emotional and mental impact on her well-being would be ... Joker did notwant to think about it.

 

If he messed up, said the wrong thing, to his Commander, his _friend_ , when she needed someone the most ... the idea that he could make this worse terrified him.

 

"Joker, be yourself.  The rest will follow."

 

An off-side explosion made the picture and connection suddenly warble, meaning that Anderson probably missed Joker's retort of "Myself?  You remember that I'm normally an asshole, right?".  When Anderson's picture cleared back up, it was obviously time to end the call.

 

"Take care of yourself, sir," Joker said, voice quiet.

 

"I will and - Jeff?"  His first name caught him by surprise and Joker's eyes widened slightly at Anderson.  "I'm real sorry about Tiptree, son."

 

And the connection was gone and Joker was left alone.

 


	2. Going Fishing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Thessia, there's not a lot that Shepard can actually do; thankfully, she's got Garrus by her side to help her through it.
> 
> And help her with her fish.

It still felt weird to enter Shepard's personal rooms without asking for an invite.  But after that talk on the Citadel, she'd been insistent that Garrus could come and go as he liked - she'd just given him that slow smirk and said "After all, it's not like you haven't already seen all the important bits" and, somehow, after that, they'd wound up twenty-minutes late for dinner.

 

Somehow.

 

So he didn't hesitate to enter, even though it still felt weird, because he didn't want her to think he was hesitating and ... thankfully, something stopped his meandering train of thought.

 

The smell of fish.

 

Dead ones.

 

"Again?" Garrus asked as he headed towards the fish tanks.

 

"Again," Shepard replied grimly from where she was perched.

 

She'd told him once that it had taken her about two days to figure out how to get the giant fish tank open because, while the controls allowed her to feed the fish and clean the tank (when she remembered and when she wasn't being shot at by half the galaxy), it _didn't_ have a setting for 'time to scoop out the dead fish again'.  Apparently Cerberus technicians had assumed that if Shepard could save the universe, than she could keep a handful of fish alive.

 

It had apparently taken EDI's intervention for Shepard to locate the small button on the side that would unlock the tanks and slide them forward, which left the top open enough for her to climb up and deal with the fish.

 

Practice didn't always mean perfect, though, and Garrus remembered quite clearly that one time she'd been sitting on the edge (much like she was now) when Joker had suddenly been forced to shift the _Normandy_ to the left to avoid some kind of space debris.  Thane had been up to speak to the Commander and, according to how the story went, had nearly ended up in the tank himself when he'd jumped up to fish her out.  The sight of the soaked to the bone Commander stalking through the halls towards the helm and the faintly drenched Drell following in her wake at a more sedate pace had made up for Garrus missing the actual dunking.

 

Garrus' mandibles twitched.  He loved that story _so much_ \- more than calibrating guns, even.

 

He stopped next to the spot where her leg dangled off the side and wrapped his hand around her ankle.  "According to EDI, its 2:30 in the morning," he remarked, "and you should be asleep."

 

Shepard peered down at him with a raised eyebrow.  "Just like how good little Turians should be, too?" she asked and he flinched slightly as cold water dripped on his forehead.

 

"This good little Turian _was_ asleep, thank you very much," Garrus grumbled.

 

"In the Main Battery."

 

"Yes but _asleep_ in the Main Battery."

 

"How do you even sleep there?"

 

He grinned at her.  "Easy.  First, I close my eyes and then ..."  Garrus grunted when she kicked him lightly in the side of the head with her booted foot.  "Careful!  That's my pretty side."

 

That got a laugh, if a tired one, out of her and somehow Shepard managed to contort herself to the point where she could lean down and press a kiss to the top of his head.  If he hadn't been so damned tired after Thessia, just the visual reminder of her ... flexibility would have sent his blood racing.

 

As it was, he gave her a soft smile that no one in their right mind would have assumed he'd been able to give.  But Shepard had a disturbing habit of turning one tough son of a bitch Turian into a giant ball of fluff.

 

A giant ball of fluff with a spot on aim and charming good looks, of course.

 

"Come on, Shepard, you can clean up the tank later," he coaxed, tugging on her leg.  "I don't really relish the idea of sleeping next to someone who smells of fish."

 

She'd opened her mouth to retort when a soft 'ping' sounded from her personal terminal.  "Read that for me?" Shepard asked as she straightened with a groan.  "I'll close this up while you do and then we can actually get some sleep."

 

Despite the fact that they were certainly together, certainly a couple and certainly doing "couple things", the fact that Shepard trusted him enough to have him look at her messages sent a thrill through Garrus.  He shook his head at himself, paused to glare at the eel - which was the only living thing in the tank at the moment - who, he swore up and down, hissed at him, and headed over to the computer unit.

 

A quick read had him slowly straightening and he gave Shepard a funny sideways look.  "Well, that's interesting," he rumbled.

 

At Shepard's worried look, he quickly waved his hands at her and apologized.  "No, no, nothing new from Lieutenant-Bastard Kai Leng, I promise.  Juuuust.  Interesting.  Seems you've gotten a message from an interested party who thanks you for sending information along regarding the destruction of Tiptree and they promise to send the information along to the Shadow Broker, who will, and I quote, "be very interested to hear of the impact this had on one of her close associates"."

 

Now on the ground, Garrus watched as Shepard tried to act ... not sneaky.  Nonchalant.  Innocent.  And managed to fail miserably.

 

He stalked towards her as she coaxed the tanks back into place.  Slipping his arms around her waist, Garrus leaned his chin on her shoulder and continued, "As I said, interesting."

 

She snorted.  "There's nothing I can do to shut you up right now, is there?"

 

"Nope!  It's interesting because, as far as I was aware, Liara was the Shadow Broker.  And the only person I know who was impacted by Tiptree was Joker."  She was right; he really wasn't going to let this one go.  "You couldn't have just mentioned it to her yourself?"

 

As soon as the tank was tightly shut, Shepard turned in his arms and leaned back to get a better look at him.  "What would I have said?  'Liara, I know you need something to focus on after Thessia, so hey, I just heard something about Joker that you could look into'?"

 

"You stopped the war between the Geth and the Quarian simply by _shouting_."

 

"Not the same thing.  Liara threw herself into her work the moment we got off-world.  She might not have heard what I had to say but, fuck, she'd certainly listen to information through her network."

 

In the blue light of the fish tank, Shepard suddenly looked even more exhausted than she had earlier.  The loss of Thessia was like a yoke around her neck and Garrus knew that Joker's revelation of Tiptree had only added to the guilt and pain.

 

"And you only wanted to help them," he murmured.

 

"I can't give her back Thessia," Shepard whispered, dropping her forehead against his shoulder, "and I can't swoop in and miraculously find his father and sister alive.  But I could do this."

 

Garrus gathered her as close as he could while still in his armor and that was the only reason he heard her say "It's not enough, it will never be enough".

 

That had him pulling back so he could cup her face, make her look at him.  "It's what you can give them," Garrus said, caressing her cheeks with his talons, "so, by default, it is good enough."  When she made a noise of protest, he started walking backwards and Shepard came with him.  "Time for a direct order from your boyfriend, Commander – come to bed and sleep.  Saving the universe will wait until morning."

 

Huffing a laugh, she circled his wrist with her hand.  "Sir, yes, sir."

 

Away from the blue light of the tanks and hissing eels, she still looked tired.  But the smile he caused chased some of the pain and shadows from her face.

 

It wasn't enough but it was all he had and, by default, it was good enough.

 

For the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off the conversation between Joker and Shepard after Thessia in ME3 where we find out that Anderson had asked Joker to watch out for Shepard. (Which kind of broke my heart, just a little bit.)


End file.
